how does it feel like to be the last one to find out something everybody knows? times 3451234 when it's actually someone you care. or at least i thought i care. and they, too. and how could i possibly forget that? and how could they forget that, too? it just gimme a feeling that, things are falling apart, things are drifting away. no? it's just depressing how things just fall apart like this.. maybe he's right. things wont last long. it comes and go. especially, that. i denied. i argued. i said its not true. of so many, this is the only thing that will last. and even if it doesn't, i will try my best to make it last as long as possible, because to me, they mean soo damn much. and i wish they know. especially that particular one. but. again. maybe he's right. because.. i witness it myself. people whom i used to be closed with back then in primary, is a stranger already. people whom i used to be closed with back then in secondary, is someone who i cant talk to anymore. people whom i used to be closed with later on, it drifting apart. people whom i used to be closed with in college, or rather, still close in college.. tell me how long can we be closed? change college lar, flying to perth lar, different course lar itisjustsofuckingdepressing. sometimes i wonder, why i didnt take the courage to know more people, instead of sticking in my comfort zone. my gang. no wait. that is NOT the point. let's get back to the "they" i originally talked about, okay? the other day, i went stimboating with him. and we talked a lot. about all my history. my past. the people i was once very close to. not anymore. and last time, we used to talk about them. it's just depressing lar. he asked me once, why cant i tell him everything like how i tell them. now, i wish to get an answer to my question, "why cant i tell them everything like how i am telling him?" have things changed? i supposed. a sad one, too. it is not like i am not willing to share. it is because, it's changing, and i feel awkward telling already. another word, drifting apart. yes, i know ive been spending most of my time with him, and i believe you know why. maybe i shouldnt take that as a reason or an excuse.. but i dont know already. i just dont wish what's happening between them and i, will happen to you and i. i always wanted to make a change. maybe i just cant take the first step, and i dont know why. i dont know what's the point of this post. i just feel freaking.. hurt? sad? depressed? i dont know. it's just sad to see how i am getting further away from people whom i used to be closed with. i once said this to someone. "somehow, people whom i can talk to and with online, will not work when we're face to face. and people whom i can talk to or with nonstop face to face or on the phone.. i will never talk to online. so weird hoh?" they are online, but we rarely talk. but the problem is, we stopped doing the latter one, too. it's like, we're complete strangers already. i wish i will never get to talk to you online, and remain as we are - crap the hell outta each other in person. ** different note. OH YA. sarah. the other day, L was telling me how when you dream of someone, it means the someone wants to see you so damn much o_o the next day, i dreamed about you, but i cant remember what. and thhheen! you texted me 6 in the morning, remmeber? omg! that was so freaky! but i didnt have credit -_-" missh you <3 | 
